just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
