Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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