did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
