My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
