They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
