wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
