He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize