FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
