I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
