But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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