her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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