Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
