I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
