I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize