We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Randomize
