Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
