It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
