Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
