Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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