Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
