He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
