'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
