they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
