the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
