Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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