just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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