I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize