i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Randomize