I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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