Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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