you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
