I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
