as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Randomize
