ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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