That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Randomize
