dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
