Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
As shirtless as possible
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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