Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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