Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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