Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize