and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
