That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
