just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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