i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
