I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
