I looked at my own cervix.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
you had me at cake vodka
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
