dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
