I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
