That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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