the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
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