So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
