The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize