i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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