he wants to bone in the snuggie
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
