I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
