porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
