I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you had me at cake vodka
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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