i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
