he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Randomize
