just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
