Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
