I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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