Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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