If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
