i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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